Imagine being torn between professional ethics and a heart-pounding attraction—it's a dilemma that hits close to home for many of us in the workplace. But here's where it gets controversial: what if that crush is on someone you're technically not supposed to date? Dive in as we explore real-life advice on navigating office romances, unconventional appearances in job hunts, and the hidden perils of desk-bound days. These stories from Slate’s ‘Good Job’ column will keep you hooked, challenging your views on boundaries and self-expression at work.
Good Job (https://slate.com/advice/good-job) serves as Slate’s go-to advice hub for all things career-related. Facing a tricky work issue, big or small? Drop your anonymous query to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir right here (https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScAyhXmriThctO-0OxkZlSWl9hQahMAAI1lVnC6e9LKIdVw/viewform?usp=sf_link). Remember, your submission stays confidential!
Dear Good Job,
I've just wrapped up my bachelor's degree and landed a staff role at the very university where I studied. As someone who's still quite young, the students I collaborate with are often my peers or just a bit older—thanks to a department packed with grad students.
Recently, the department brought on a student for a short-term summer gig. We clicked instantly, sparking a huge crush on my end. Now, with him rehired for the upcoming semester, he's around daily. Is it morally wrong to ask him out? He doesn't answer to me, my responsibilities don't overlap with student needs in our office, and from what I've gathered, there aren't strict rules against employee-to-employee romances. Plus, with students forming a big chunk of my local dating options due to living in a college town, any tips on steering clear of seeming inappropriate?
—Anxious About Attraction
Dear Anxious About Attraction,
It's refreshing to see someone so considerate about workplace crushes—they crop up everywhere but can lead to tangled complications! The key factor here is usually an imbalance in power dynamics. You frame this as a staff-to-staff connection, yet universities often view the student's role as paramount over any temp job status. As a full-time staff member, you carry more institutional clout, while the student-temporary worker enjoys extra protections. Reach out to your campus HR team for clarification on applicable policies. Sure, chatting about dating rules might feel awkward, but it's their expertise, and trust me, they've handled plenty of these scenarios before.
If policies allow it, approach your crush with extreme caution, always considering the power gap. When you propose a date, keep it simple and casual—avoid pressure and watch for subtle ways people decline politely, such as 'I'm swamped lately,' to keep things smooth in the office.
Your shift from student to employee is recent, so be mindful that dating a student openly could hinder how coworkers see you as an equal. That said, it's not necessarily career suicide—just another nudge toward discretion if you proceed.
Living in a college town complicates romance, and it's smart to plan ahead beyond this one interest. Many in your potential pool are transient, so short-term flings might suit if that's your vibe. But for lasting partnerships without relocation, chasing undergrads, grads, or post-docs could mean heartbreak as they move on. Even professors face job instability today. Once you're seeking something serious, discuss long-term living plans early—maybe alongside talks about future kids—to align expectations.
(Please limit questions to under 150 words, avoid duplicates across columns, and note we can't edit or delete after posting. Use a pseudonym for privacy—your query might appear in other Slate advice spots, possibly edited.)
And this is the part most people miss: Could power imbalances in romances be outdated in our modern workplaces? What if universities relaxed rules to allow more organic connections? Share your thoughts below—do you agree these protections are necessary, or are they stifling natural attractions?
Dear Good Job,
I'm a mid-30s professional in a thriving corporate gig that I genuinely enjoy. Recent shifts at my firm have me scouting local opportunities; my specialty is hot in demand, and I'm backed by strong qualifications and connections, so interviews aren't the issue. My concern? As a cis woman who's bald due to medical reasons—like alopecia (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12423-alopecia-areata), which isn't life-threatening—I wear wigs in various hues to match my style or mood, or skip them altogether. I'm totally comfortable with my baldness and even use cosmetics to enhance my scalp playfully.
For non-client-facing roles, when should I mention this in the hiring process? I won't take a job forcing daily wig-wearing, so I must address it, yet standard office dress codes rarely cover it. Should I attend the initial interview without a wig? Bring it up myself or wait for questions? How do I assure them I'm no health concern while insisting on my freedom with hair choices?
—Refusing to Hide My Look
Dear Refusing to Hide My Look,
In job interviews, aim for attire that's a touch more polished than your typical office wear. Office-casual might mean trousers over jeans or a nice top instead of casual tees, so for your meetup, opt for a blazer (a step up) or full suit (two steps). Choose a wig that fits elegantly—think neutral tones and neat styles—as part of your professional presentation. No need to dive into appearance topics during interviews.
Once onboard, embrace your wig-free or wig-full vibe. Employers can't dismiss you over a medical issue without legal headaches. A kind gesture: Inform bosses and coworkers that your alopecia isn't tied to anything severe, like chemo, to ease any concerns. Fingers crossed they appreciate your boldness and get inspired to experiment with their own looks.
But here's where it gets controversial: Is requiring 'professional' appearances, like hiding natural or medical features, fair in today's inclusive workplaces? Could this perpetuate biases against those with visible differences? Weigh in—do you think companies should adapt dress codes for authenticity, or is some uniformity essential?
Slate Plus subscribers enjoy extra ‘Good Job’ content weekly. Join now (https://slate.com/plus) for Laura Helmuth’s bonus piece this edition.
Dear Good Job,
I've moved from a hands-on healthcare role to a desk-based office position. My old job kept me constantly active, so this new one feels less draining in many ways—yay for that!
Still, I notice my body reacting differently by day's end. All that sitting without movement feels off, and though I might be overthinking, I'm eager for ways to ease the discomfort while keeping health front and center.
—Sore from Sitting
Dear Sore from Sitting,
The Onion nailed our collective struggle with a 2015 headline: 'Health Experts Recommend Standing Up at Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back' (https://theonion.com/health-experts-recommend-standing-up-at-desk-leaving-o-1819577456/), echoing our 'long national nightmare' of sedentary work (https://theonion.com/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-prosperi-1819565882/). Prolonged desk-sitting harms health (https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sedentary-lifestyle)—let's turn that around!
Kick off your 'office Olympics' by setting reminders to interrupt the stillness. Test out stretches, workouts, and breaks. Pace your workspace, strike up chats with colleagues on the move—bonus points for including those who might struggle with mobility, like the recent 'Talk All Day, Still Lonely' asker (https://slate.com/advice/2025/09/work-advice-health-care-lonely-colleagues.html). Check out the Washington Post's guide to 12 desk-friendly exercises (https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/health/workout-at-work/), sorted by ease, sweat level, and embarrassment factor—for beginners, start with simple arm circles or seated marches to build confidence without judgment.
For one-on-one chats, suggest walking, standing, or stretching sessions. It boosts creativity and combats stiffness—bet others share your post-activity aches! A past coworker rallied stair climbs in our 12-story building (secure the door to avoid lock-ins). If commuting, exit transit early or park farther out to add steps. Push for an adjustable desk from your boss, and actually use it—I'm elevating mine as I type!
—Laura
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What do you think—should workplaces foster more open discussions about crushes and appearances to break down barriers, or does that risk blurring lines too much? And in an era of remote work, are desk-job health hacks even necessary anymore? Drop your opinions in the comments—agree, disagree, or offer your own twists!
